i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
