1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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