just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
