apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
