i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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