Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
