Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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