He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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