I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
