I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
