Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
