Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
