i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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