I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
