You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
