the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
