Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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