He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
