Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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