was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love you. Go after that dick
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
