He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
