im holly from the hills drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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