I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
