Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
