yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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