drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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