I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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