I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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