It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
