You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my poor anus
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
