My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
