Whats the glycemic index on semen?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You pole danced in your parka.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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