She is in my trunk
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there's paper in my vomit.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
