And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
