I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Your dad touched me again.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
