So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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