winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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