I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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