Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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