I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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