Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
