I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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