ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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