you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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