So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
