I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
