I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
