Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
