just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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