Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
