My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
