I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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