There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
