just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
